Abandoned in Bloggersville

Alas, it seems I have been abandoned in Bloggersville...not to be confused with Boogersville, a place I've never been. My co-bloggers are nowhere to be found...although one has claimed that she and her groomed schnoodle have been rendered literarily impotent due to some computer problems. It's possible...even believeable. But where the heck are the rest of you. Now don't tell me just because the temperature has dropped that your desire to blog has too?? Is that medically possible? Hmmm....I wonder. When we last left Helder...his foot had been stitched...did the foot heal? Did it fall off? Did he ever walk again? And what about Nadia? Is she still in her new job? Does she still know people? Egads...does she still enjoy her job?? And Dill...is she going on this trip?? Has she packed? These questions and many others are still unanswered. Enquiring minds want to know. Stay tuned..perhaps they will return to Bloggersville...you never know....

Whatever!

Where did November go?

As we quickly progress towards December, I've noticed that I haven't written anything for November....egads!! Where is everybody anyways. Nadia, Linda, Helder, Dill and even Chelsea has obviously gone into hibernation. Thankfully I've been awaken, albeit briefly, to write this totally useless entry into my blog. It reveals nothing...it simply exists. Hopefully soon my fellow bloggers will awaken from the drunken stupor of highly laced hot cocoa...I mean hibernation, flex their stiff fingers (it stiffens while holding alcoholic drinks...so I'm told) and get typing.

Until then, all I have to say is "WHATEVER!!"

National Women's Show

I attended the National Women's Show. I've always wanted to go, but never could get anyone to join me. So this time I decided to go anyways. I loved it. I took a coupon off the internet for "buy one admission, get the 2nd one 1/2 price". I approach a woman who seemed to be going to the show by herself, explained that I had the coupon and that we could save $3 each...introduced ourselves...got the discount and then wished each other fun (She incidentally was attending the show for the 2nd year in a row by herself as friends were unable to attend!) You go girl! So I wasn't the only one by myself...

Freebie.......oh my goodness. You walk in and you get a bag full of free samples. You walk around and they give you more samples. Free food, the alcohol you had to buy tickets for, which didn't interest me anyways. Clothing, cleaning products, make up companies, health care products, you name it and it was there. So too was Charlie O'Connell of the Bachelor. (I have to admit....I was too busy going around getting samples to care..even when they announced it).

I purchased some products and by the end of 3 1/2 hours, I felt that I was tired, but happy, my feet ached...my shoulders and arms were killing me but I had a smile on my face and three heavy bags full of samples and products purchased at great prices.

So...needless to say, I'm there next year! Your welcome to come too...but I'll go anyways!

Whatever!

As we grow up...

This is from an email someone sent to me (I don't know who wrote it). I've forwarded to family and friends because it struck a cord with me and probably will with you.


"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will.You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken.You'll fight with your best friend.You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love.So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back."

Poetry

When I was in my teens, I used to write not only in my journal, but also poems. I've kept these poems over the years and occasionally read them. It's been a while since I've looked at them. Today I pulled them out and read some of my writings. One poem hit me. Written over 25 years ago, but so much more meaning now. I'm not sure who I was writing this about then, but I know who it's talking about now. I want to share some of them with you.

Once More:
Sing once more
Oh please try
I know that you can't see
Your eyes are tired.

Laugh once more
Please, for me
I know your voice is going
Your getting older.

Live once more
Try, for me
I know that you are dying
But I love you.
=====================

My Greatest Fear (written September 12 , 1979..yeah I dated it..what can I say..I'm weird)
Why am I so afraid
Maybe I'll never know
I know why I'm so afraid
I'm afraid of you letting go

I'm afraid of letting you go
Because I care so much
You'll probably never know
Just how much

I'm afriad of never being
with you again
Having you to talk to
and just being my friend

I'm afriad of riding a rollercoaster
But more afraid to lose you
I'm afraid of being a failure
I can never use you.

I'm so afraid, it burns in my heart
the fear of losing you because you still don't know
how much I need you.
I'm afraid you'll never know
Just how much I love you.
============================

Help Me
It makes me sad
and I'm so weary
of being told what I am
and what I should be.

I know I have faults
and I'm not the best
but I wish you'd let
me just be me.

Can't you accept me
the way I am
and help me instead
of criticize.

I need your help
and I need your love
so that I may be
the best I can.

Please listen to my plead
It's all I ask,
I hope it's not too much,
and in return,
I will give the best of what I can.
==========================

Just so you don't think I was absolutely pathetic and depressed a lot in my teens, I wrote a few others.

This one is for Drina. We've been best friends and sisters since we were children.


My Friend
Why is she my friend? You ask.
I don't know.
She's nuts like me and I like her so.

I can confide in her as she can with me
We've gone through many things together
She's like the sea.

To me she's my friend and sister
and that's the way it should be.

=======================================================
Okay...so I'll never win a Pulitzer prize for my writing...but that's okay by me.

Age Before Beauty

In this week's TV Guide, there is an article on Age Before Beauty. It talks about how celebrities over 40 are now considered sexy and beautiful (men and women). It's and interesting article particularly in this career where beauty and youth are very important. It's nice so see this new attitude.

I remember that when I was in my teens, I never thought about life after 40. It seemed so old to me...so very far away.

When I turned 30, I was very depressed. I felt my youth was gone and there wasn't much to look forward to. My life at that time wasn't particular going well...especially my marriage.

When I turned 40, I didn't feel that way. My 30's, although not any easier, had many good memories. I was happier. I had already resigned myself to the fact that I would not have children. I have not resigned myself to not ever fall in love again.

Now, in my 45th year of life, I'm learning something new everyday. Life has it's ups and downs. I haven't figured out life or myself. I don't feel sexy...but that's just the way I feel right now. It's not how others feel in their 40s and I'm glad for that. It means that there is hope still for me.

My bestfriend just got her driver's license and purchased her first car at the age of 45. Now's she's zooming around in her Honda...You go girl!!!

So life doesn't end in your 40s. For some it's only the beginning....

My Favorite Shows

We've done my 'favorite things'..so I decided to do my Favorite Shows on tv....

CSI
CSI Miami
CSI New York
NCSI (could there be a theme here...hmmm)
ER
Grey's Anatomy (I'm really suspecting a theme here...)
Invasion (new show..quite good...okay so there are weird light aliens in the water..'don't go near the water'...)
Lost (what more can I say...yummy guys too)
Coronation Street (I got hooked when I didn't have cable and it was the only show I could receive with rabbit ears)
The OC (if I ever lived in California, was rich and had enough money to starve myself to death and have plastic surgery).
Desparate Housewives (just started watching it...again same comments as the OC)
Will and Grace (still love it)
Nanny 911 (I have to take an antianxiety pill after the show)
Alias
Oh...and recently hooked on America's Top Model (same comments as OC and DH)....


These are my favorite shows. What's yours???

(Hey it's been miserable weather for the past few days and I couldn't come up with anything better!!)

Whatever!

Fall hath cometh!!

Just when I thought it was never going to happen...Fall snuck in...the leaves turned colours and the air is damp and colder. Fall is here my friends! I admit that Fall is not my FAVORITE season, but it's 2nd on my list. Spring, fall, summer and winter. Spring because it's fresh, everything feels new, flowers coming up and the anticipating of warmer weather. Summer is third because it unfortunately gets so humid and unless I'm floating in a pool...well it's just to darn hot!! Winter..no I don't hate winter...I just don't like it that much. It's cold. It's damp and it's cold!! Fall...well we've had a very hot and humid summer. It was great (with AC). Now it's cooler. I can open my window and feel cool fresh air coming in and sometimes smell the fireplace from houses down the street (love that). I can turn on my oven and not worry about it making my place so hot. I sleep better when it's colder. I bury myself under my comforter..which is comforting.

Enjoy the season...enjoy the leaves! Enjoy Fall!!

Decluttering - Part 2

Well the decluttering project is coming along very well. Last night I purchased those plastic drawers from Walmart...reasonably priced I may say and have put it in my bathroom. Looks very nice and everything is handy. Moved a few other things around and as I left for work this morning, looked at my apartment and smiled. It looked very nice if I do say so myself. I like when it's neat and clean...(now if I can only get the dumb cat to put ALL of her bum in the cat litter and to stop peeing on the bathroom floor. My tiles are going to start disintegrating from all the bleach I've put on the floor and litter box...trying to clean it up. Granted she is 18 years old and obviously getting demented but I'm getting tired of this!)

Anyways, back to the decluttering...it's a nice feeling to get organized...I still have a lot more to do..my storage room and the kitchen...but it will definitely get done.

:-))))

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!

CONGRATULATIONS DRINA...

DRINA FINALLY (IT MUST NOW BE A COLD DAY IN HELL) HAS PASSED HER TEST AND NOW HAS A DRIVER'S LICENSE AT THE RIPE OLD AGE OF 45 (OOPS...THAT'S 28 AND HOLDING FOR ALL OF YOU).

CONGRATS!!! KNEW YOU COULD DO IT.

JUST GIVE ME A SECOND TO MOVE MY CAR OFF THE ROAD....LOL

Jakub's withdrawal

For Jakub who was going through my blog withdrawal...this blog entry is for you!!

Bernadette

Katrina's other victims

Sunday I picked up the phone to call my bestfriend...who ironically was calling me at the same time. She lives in London, Ontario. We were both watching the same program it seems....the found but unreunited pets...victims of the Katrina disaster. I watched as a man who had lost everything drove 10 hours to pick up his cat and cried as he cried while holding this beautiful cat who was not too impressed with all the attention. Felines.... These were true victims (other than the children and elderly and infirmed) who COULD NOT get out of the Katrina's way. (Granted there were those not in these already mentioned categories who for economical reasons...ie no money for transportation, who also were not able to get out of the area before Katrina hit). But I want to talk about these pets...who did not understand why they were left behind...much less the name of the hurricane that turned their world (some literally) upside down. Unable to forage for food and clean water...alone...afraid. My heart just breaks.

Hopefully most of these lost ones will be reunited with their loving owners/caregivers. Those who are unable to, hopefully will go to loving homes.

The last film - Mom

These pictures were taken in June 2005.
They were the last roll of film I took of mom before using my new digital camera. I love these pictures because despite her frailness, she was happy being with the family. She was wearing a comfortable blue dress...one that I will hold onto I suspect for a very long time. She was an amazing woman...I hope to write about that some day...it's difficult just to write about this. Mom fought hard and peacefully slipped into a restful but temporary (Revelation 21:3&4) sleep Thursday, August 4th, 2005 at approximately 3:50 pm. We miss her so very much!!!

Decluttering

I am a fan of Clean Sweep and all those other shows that try to teach us that 'more is NOT better'...well I guess it depends on what we are talking about...but when talking about stuff....I'm inclined to agree.

I've begun spending a few hours here and there trying to declutter my place. 2 1/2 years ago I moved from a 2 bedroom huge basement apartment to a small one bedroom (monette=no dining room=very small) apartment. While I packed for my move, I got rid of things...or so I thought, having underestimated the size of my new apartment. After the move (which took one HUGE truck load) and several car loads after (how can one person accumulate so much stuff???)...I threw out and gave away a lot of stuff.

Now it's time to get even more ruthless and organize my apartment. I've wanted to do this for 2 1/2 years....but always felt overwhelmed. I was finally motivated by a coworker who was having to cope without her housecleaner for a 1 1/2 months (vacation) (my friend did not want her housecleaning lady to come back to a messy condo (go figure)...and so began to slowly declutter her condo so that it would be easier to clean.

So, if you don't need...get rid of it. Goodwill and shelters are happy to take things that are still useful to others. If it takes up too much room (my computer desk which worked great in a huge basement apartment)...then see if someone wants it.

You may wonder, why don't I just do a yard sale?? Well I live in an apartment for one thing...and having done yard sales before...it's frankly more work than its worth!

Little by little...you can declutter your living space too!!

Whatever!

Katrina's aftermath

I recently wrote in comment to another's blog that I had little understanding for what these people were going through. How true. I admit that I am disgusted with the looting for nonnecessities.

Yes it's true I have never gone through anything like this in my life. I do understand that these people feel so desparate that they feel they need to seek food and water.

However, like many, I am disgusted that others within these hard hit and desparate areas show their inhumanity by using guns to intimidate and slow down any help that is forthcoming.

I watched via tv how many are pleading for help and feeling abandoned.

I forgot that they did not have access to radio, tv or internet and did not know that people were desparately trying to help.

I actually regret my previous comments...that these people should get off their butts and help themselves...what do I know. I haven't just lost my home and everything I know.

May God give them strength to endure.

Karla Holmolka (Teale)

I keep reading of various opionions of whether Karla has a right to her privacy or not...I admit that I almost agreed the other day, but then stopped myself. Karla has served 12 years for the murders of two young girls. She did not serve anything for her sister's death, nor for the rape of Jane Doe. However she was sentenced to 12 years and served that time...oh yes...only before it came to light that she had much more to do with the above crimes. Otherwise, she would have gotten a longer sentence, perhaps even a life sentence with no chance of parole...so when I thought of it this way, bottom line is...I hope she is hounded for the rest of her life. I hope each time she finds a little peace in her life, I hope it is torn away from her as she tore away the lives of those innocent girls. I hope she finds it harder and harder to trust...I hope she looks over her shoulder for the rest of her life...I hope it's NOT a long life!

Update on Sarah-BC girl and blood transfusion

This is to further update everyone on the story Dill wrote about awhile ago...the young 14 year old BC girl (now 15) who has successfully undergone treatment in New York. It was in today's National Post, but unfortunately you must pay to subscribe online. The article is excellent and if you are interested, I would be happy to make a copy (Nadia is that legal???). If not, I can paraphrase from the article (is that legal?)...(so much for studying law...I think paraphrasing is legal...but not 100% sure). Anyways, the whole point of the article is that she is doing well, should be home now and going back to school, Grade 10 in September. She mentioned in the article that the whole case was not about 'religious freedom' but rather personal freedom. The Charter of Rights of Canada gives us freedom to choose...and she was relieved that the NY doctors looked her in the eye, asked her what she wanted and listened to what SHE had to say and did not call her 'the child' as she had been called by the courts in Canada. Out of the mouth of babes!!!

Excellent article for freedom..on so many levels!

Ben

Devoted Sisters

I wanted to write today about the devotion that three amazing women who just happen to be my mother's sisters showed. Isabel, Gabriella (Gaby) and Conceicao (Connie). These were three of my mother's sisters. These women showed loved, strength, consideration, compassion and so many other amazing qualities in the past month. It isn't easy arriving early morning at a hospital to toilet, bath and feed your sister. It isn't exactly the most exciting place to be. It isn't easy to watch someone you love so much losing their life and still smile and make her laugh. That's what they did. They all did what they could and so much more.

Mom lost her battle with cancer Thursday, August 4th, 2005. She said she would fight until the end. She did, but she could never have done this without her sisters.

Thank you so much.

Ben

My list of what I like...

A really good book
Music
Freshly fallen snow on the trees
The smell of a fireplace
Sitting in front of the fireplace, feeling the warmth, surrounded by my loved ones
Being held in someone's arms
Being told that I'm loved
Telling my loved ones that they are loved
Holding my Taby in my arms even when it was the last time
Sunsets
Dill's cedar planked BBQed salmon and dill (actually basically anything she cooks...)
Mom's soups and millo
Getting on a plane to go somewhere else in this world to see something new
The feel of the ocean (saltwater)
Swaying palm trees
Pretending I'm an alligator in a swimming pool in Cuba
Sending Uncle Manny Franca for some more drinks in Cuba
Kissing my nieces faces
Laughter
A clean apartment, when everything is in it's place and the dust and furballs have been banished...albeit temporarily
Pictures taken of good times
Memories of good times
Making new memories of good times

I'm often asked, How do you manage it?

Of late, I've been asked, “How do you do it? How are you able to manage?” Manage what…do what...you may ask? How does one go on, daily, doing anything else other than thinking about losing the person you love most in the world. How do I do it? How does anyone do it? You just do! I’ve in turn asked others going through similar situations how they feel able to cope. Basically you put one foot in front of the other and eventually you walk. Everything is broken down to the small things. You go to work, and then you come home. You go to the hospital, and then you come home. In between you just do it. Not that you are feeling like a robot. I feel and I sure cry a lot lately…but I’m told by a reliable source (actually a few professionals and nonprofessionals that I’m actually normal)…go figure. So when my mother asks me to take her to the bathroom, I just do it. She needs me (or my sister or one of our aunts, or the nurse) to help her with a basic need, something she was able to do for herself only three weeks ago. She needs us to help her life the spoon to her mouth and sometimes to encourage her to swallow… There was a time when she took me to the bathroom, fed me, cuddled me, and loved me. Now it’s my turn. I wish I could be unselfish and say that I would gladly trade places with her, so that she could live, but frankly I’m not that brave. I just hope I’m brave enough to be there right to the end for her. To cuddle her and to love her as long as she needs me.

Is it hot enough for you?? Part II

This morning I arrived at work feeling sick to my stomach. Why you ask? The heat, the humidity and the air that I had to breathe to get to work. My car AC is still not working (a work in progress) and coupled with being stuck occasionally by foul smelling and badly maintained vehicles (mostly vans...why is that??) I wanted to throw up when I arrived in the office. My head was pounding despite having swallowed several extra strenth tylenols and my stomach churned...it took a couple of hours of AC and cleaner smelling air to finally feel better.

So we are asked to conserve energy and spare the air. So don't turn on your AC, because offices need to leave numerous unused office lights on. Yesterday as I walked one corridor of the hospital where my mother is now a patient, I couldn't help but notice the misuse of energy. Doors left wide open to the outside air (air conditioning blowing out or hot air blowing in), lights in meeting rooms that were not being used, lights on in the 'bowling alley"..yes they have an old bowling alley in this hospital (nursing home...for the residents...although I don't think its used that often..obviously)...tvs and lights in patients rooms (I turned mom's off when she fell asleep). They (who are they...they are the politicians that ride around in their airconditioned limos and work in air conditioning and sleep in airconditioning....) want us..me and you to take the TTC. Spare the air people. Ride an unairconditioned bus/streetcar with people who are antipersperantly challenged...yes it's better for them that I breathe in someone's BO than contribute to the smog by driving my car. Well you know what I say to that????

WHATEVER!!!

To adopt or to not adopt...too many questions for me...

Wednesday evening I went to the Toronto Humane Society to see a cat that had been advertised as needing a home. Since Taby's death, Shamu has become, I believe, somewhat lonely and depressed. She just mopes about the apartment. Well she moped before too, but it seems she is moping more. Of course she is 18 years old...18 year old cats mope, sleep, poop, etc...and meow constantly (and extremely irritatingly) for food. So I went to meet Tinker, a 18 year old male cat that had been taken to the THS when his owner had to move into a senior's home. I thought, 18 year old cat with another 18 year old cat might work. Tinker is a strawberry blonde (orange) tabby and in the picture he looked cute. So I thought, I'll go check him out.

Well Tinker turned out to be an 18 year old orange tabby with a very infected eye and arthritic legs. He barely acknowledged me (except to give me a glare out of his good eye effectively telling me to take a hike!). He did not seem to be affectionate or friendly...however he did not growl or hiss at me either...he just ignored me. I felt no chemistry. I was disappointed. On top of that, I was informed by a staff member that I needed to be able to quarantine him from Shamu for at least 14 days. Where? I have a small monette apartment (that means I don't have a 'dining room'). Where the heck do I quarantine a cat with a leaking eye and arthritic legs? My bedroom? I think not!!!

So I've decided to let Shamu live out her remaining years and after that I will reexamine the situation (unless I see a cute kitten and bring it home anyways)...there was this adorable young cat (not kitten) who looked soooooooo much like Taby, but was very friendly and affectionate....

Whatever!

Is it hot enough for you?

Is it hot enought for you? When did we go from winter to summer? I have to admit I was looking forward to spring. It's my favorite season, but summer...heat and humidity? Not my favorite unless I'm lying in a swimming pool with a pina colada in my hand (the Bicardi cooler variety is fine with me too).

My AC works at least 16 hours (it's a window unit with a 'energy saver' feature to conserve energy and maintain a certain temperature). My poor Shamu lies on the floor (and that's WITH AC...). I'm surprised I haven't found her taking a shower yet to keep cool.

My neighbours who do not have AC...well they spend their evenings outside in the courtyard between the two buildings. Thankfully the AC drowns out the noise otherwise I wouldn't be able to sleep and would be extremely grouchy come the morning.

My car...my poor 15 year old car's AC is NOT working. Needless to say that I'm extremely uncomfortable by the time I reach my destination especially in the evening. I have relearned the trick of putting my hand out and directing the airflow towards me while driving (not an easy thing to do with a standard car and traffic coming against me...), but it works occasionally.

Oh well I'm sure to remember this next January and February when I'm wishing it was a little warmer....

Whatever!

Parking Lot Rage

Okay...so it's happened to me....parking lot rage. No I wasn't on the receiving end...I dished it out.

This morning, after a frustrating 45 minute drive to work, I get to the parking lot near where I work. Blocking the entrance is this van, with the door ajar (that means open okay!!).

Anyhow, this woman comes back to her van and starts pressing all around the box looking for the button that will give her ticket and let her into the parking lot. She even presses the sides of the box until she finally presses the right button (THE FLASHING BUTTON) and goes in. My eyes roll and I'm thinking "what a twit!!!". As I drive up the ramp, low and behold the twit is backing up the van. "Now what??? She can't find the parking spot too????"...

So I decided to go around the twit...then she turns to her left (without signaling) and of course I beep and yell "Make up your mind where you're going!!" She yells back, "That's my spot!" (thinking I was trying to take her spot, which I wasn't). So I yell back, "I don't want the spot...I just want you to make up your mind!" She says, "Calm down... It's my first time in the city". At this point I'm ready to ram her van...so I yell at her, "You're stupid!!!! Stay out of the city!!!"

Yes I did say that and then I drove quickly around her.

So for all of you who think that I'm such a nice calm person...YOU ARE SOOOOOOOO WRONG!!!!

Have a nice day!

Whatever!!

What do you do for a living?

It's interesting to me when people ask personal questions such as "What do you do for a living?"

I realize that it is a way of 'getting to know' someone...but does the fact that what a person does for a living really say much about them? Hmmm...I'm a medical secretary in a psychiatry clinic...what does that say about me, I wonder? I have relatives who are employed as a nurse, publicist, legal secretary, mechanic, homemaker, accountant, trucker, landscaper, ttc conductor, teacher, etc. etc. etc....

It is human nature to want to know about others, especially those closest to us. I stop and think about the job descriptions...some sound very glamourous and exciting...some sound boring...and yet they are all wonderful and necessary in their own way.

Regardless of the employment titles attached to us, there are so many other titles that are attached...mother, sister, father, brother, cousin, aunt, uncle, etc. Sometimes the titles are not so flattering...but we won't go there. Whatever/whoever we are...isn't it wonderful to see the variety of people in our family. Can't call us boring!!!

Whatever!

Friday the 13th...bad luck? I think not!!!

Today is Friday, May 13th.

As I drove in this morning to work, I couldn't help but notice that there were considerably less traffic. I wondered...could people actually be taking the day off because they are afraid it is "Friday the 13th"??

So I did a bit of research...Okay I didn't have to look to far. An article in the Yahoo News quoted in part here: "Fears about Friday the 13th stem from early Christianity...Friday was the day on which Christ was crucified. ... Judas was considered the 13th person at the table (of the Last Supper) and he of course, is the betrayer. Taylor said 13 was linked with evil by Christians in the Middle Ages in the belief that witches met in covens of 13, and the 13th member was the devil. She adds the superstition is only a western phenomenon. "Within western culture Friday the 13th is perceived as being unlucky .... (In other cultures) it's meaningless."

So it seems that only the Western world (and we think that we are SOOOO much more advanced that every other part of this earth...yeah right) is afraid when the 13th day of any month falls on a Friday.

I admit I do not understand this particular fear. I parked in the number 13 spot when I went for my driver's test. I passed. I have never had anything bad happen to me on the 13th of any day...it happens on any other day. Most of all, today is my mother's 66th (real) birthday. (Her father only registered her as having been born on the 18th of May...due to the fact he waited too long to register her and would have had to pay a fine..it's a long story...back in Madeira...give the guy a break..his wife had 14 kids...never mind give my poor grandmother the break!!)

So you see, today, Friday, May 13th, 2005 is the day that my beautiful and loving mother has been on this earth for 66 years. Bad luck? Oh no. I'm the fortunate one. I could not have asked for someone who has been (next to God) my best friend. Someone who has loved me, understood me (including giving me a kick in the butt when I needed it) and showed tremendous patience with me all my life. Someone who rubbed my tummy when I had stomach pains (okay she doesn't do that any more...it's a big tummy now). She used to tickle my forehead and I would fall asleep knowing that I was loved and so safe in her arms. I watch her do that with my nieces now....and know that they are so very fortunate too.

So Friday the 13th....what a wonderful day this is. Enjoy it. I know I will!

Ben

Radio Station Politics

I'm feeling a bit discombobulated today. I am a radio station channel surfer. (I also surf t.v., and internet...Basically because I'm an inpatient person). One of my favorite radio stations used to be CHFI FM. I loved to listen to Erin Davis and Bob Magee (I even have a CHFI mug, in addition to my EZ Rock mug and a 92.5 country channel mug that no longer exists).

I would occasionally also listen to CHUM FM and Marilyn, Roger and Rick (They always put Marilyn's name last...silly people!). A few years ago, I discovered EZ Rock. Oh finally, I have found what I loved, the music and the morning people, Christine Cardosa (Portuguese) and Mike Cooper. They were a match made in heaven...or so I thought. It became a competition between CHFI and EZ Rock. I flipped more times than a fish caught in the net. The music was similar and they were both good. In the end, nationality won and I stuck with EZ Rock because Christine was Portuguese and I could relate to her comments.

Then the first wave of the radio war began: unexpectedly after many many years at CHFI, Erin Davis was fired. I was livid. I even wrote to the owners, Rogers, telling them that I would no longer listen to CHFI...and I've mostly kept my word. Wrote to Erin and told her how disgusted I was with what happened. (I was one of many many people). Last fall, Erin was invited to join Mike Cooper at EZ Rock while Christine went on maternity leave. I was in heaven. What would have made it the best would have been Mike, Christine and Erin in the morning...(hey it's working for Chum fm) but it was not to be. It seems CHFI finally snagged a brain and wooed Erin back. They also, how I do not know, managed to woo Mike over too. In the meantime, after giving his radio station his required notice, they discovered that Mike and Erin would be at CHFI. So Erin was 'let go' prior to her contract ending. The radio ratings came out yesterday. Apparently, and no surprise to me, Mike and Erin had a huge impact and have managed to raise the ratings considerably for EZ Rock. I have no doubt they will do the same when they are reunited again in the fall at CHFI. What was sad to read was that Mike was shunned at a celebratory event last night. I have never met this man, and I can't say I 'know' him, but he sounds like a decent guy. He has been with his wife, who he apparently adores for many many years, has raised children and certainly did not deserve to be treated this way.

I'm still not sure who I will listen to when the radio war is over...but people should not be treated like lepers (lepers shouldn't be treated badly either) just because they make a career move.

Whatever!

I've met Joe Pesci

Okay it's NOT the REAL Joe Pesci but I swear he looks and talks like him.

I started my next course last night. This short, dark haired, Italian looking, a lawyer is our new instructor (professor). I was mesmirized by the fluff on his hair...you know the kind that blows in the air and lands on someone's head. I had to keep telling myself to let the fluff go and concentrate on what was being taught...but something kept nagging me...he looks familiar...the guy from Welcome Back Carter...no not quite....who the heck does this guy remind me off...short legs...yak yak yak...and then BAM...just before break it hits me in the head...OH MY GOODNESS...It's cousin Vinny...no I mean Joe Pesci...he even sounds like him. This is going to be a very very difficult course...concentrate on the material Ben...and stop laughing!!!

When your fear comes true...

Everyone has fears...fear of falling (how many times have I dreamed of that), fear of smacking the car, fear of losing a loved one, fear of dropping your keys down the elevator shaft...oh yeah...that happened last night.

I came home last night...up the elevator as I've done many times before, with my keys in my hand. As I exited the elevator, it happened...my fear come true...it slipped out of my hand and right down the elevator shaft. NOOOOOOOOOOOOO THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING TO ME!!! The hysterics begins. I start freaking out. My cat hasn't been fed. Where am I going to sleep. I only have on key for my car. What am I going to do!!!!

Well after some hysterics and waterworks in front of the superintendent, who fortunately has seen me in more lucid moments, she calmly explained that she would give me the extra set of keys for my apartment, and that the elevator man would come tomorrow and retrieve my keys.

"I take it I'm not the first person to do something so stupid??". "No dear, you are not". (Okay so she WAS calling me stupid...but then it was a stupid thing to do).

I'm happy to say that me and my keys have been reunited. It was a fear, it happened and I lived through it.

Now if I can make through one of my greatest fears yet to come....

International Blogging

I was reading my cousin's latest blog entry and decided to go to the next blog..and then next and eventually I stumbled on a blog entry from someone in Portugal in portuguese...hey...when did they get modern and blog...and I'll found out about blogging a couple of months ago.

We always think that our home countries (okay so I was born here...but eight months after my parents got here...if you know what I mean)...(so I consider myself Canadian-Portuguese) (always wanted to get a tatoo with porky pig holding a Canadian flag in one hand and a piece of cheese in the other...get it....whatever!).

Back to the home countries...we always think that WE Canadians are the modern ones...and those poor people back home are well backwards...so it was a bit surprising to find out that I'm totally wrong (AGAIN!!). I also was watching a program today on CBC about Iraq and this woman who had fled to Jordan and her 'blog' entries....they blog there too????

I admit that I truly enjoy reading the entries. Hopefully people will feel the same about mine. Hopefully. Whatever!

Ben

What a beautiful day!!

Today was a wonderful day.

My mother was able to go to church despite feeling very very tired due to the heavy chemotherapy received earlier this week. To my surprise she agreed to go out for lunch. We haven't had a family lunch out in a while and it was wonderful.

The day was warm, the sun was shining and I was with people that I love very very much. What more could I ask. I guess I could ask that God grant her longer life...yes it's definitely in my daily prayer. I have asked that he extend her life past the originally given six months...he has. She is fighting...but then she has always had this determination and love for life. I pray that God give her the endurance to keep fighting for her life. I pray that he help me do what little I can to help her do that.

Cancer affects the whole family...it's true. The little ones don't understand. They ask "Vo, are you going to die?" "Not today sweetheart".

Who knows when any of us will face that....but hopefully not today.

It's beautiful outside even though it's evening. I can see the sunset from my apartment balcony and I feel good...and I thank God for another day. Another beautiful day of life. Thank you!

Ben

Phone messages

Phone messages: "This is so and so from so and so office re a patient" (and they proceed to give me the patient's whole bleeping history which is already on the referral form)...and the bottom line is...."to confirm their appointment".

I've been told many times how people dislike my long office message. Some bypass it and leave me a frustrated message asking me the question that is already answered on my message. "Well where exactly is your office?" Did you listen to the message on the voice mail? "Well it's too long." Yes it is...imagine having to give out that information 50 times a day (and you can't flippin hear it once?????). So I tell them to please call back and actually listen to it because I don't have the time to repeat it. (I know the answer to their question is on their because I've written out the message and recorded it many times).

Then there are the myriad of people who say thank you for my message. It's so clear, its informative and "I knew exactly where I needed to go".

I get hang ups too...sighs, frustration, hrmmphs and even a few swear words. People who have not got a clue why they are calling me but are hoping that I am that I have a crystal ball which will answer every question under the sun.

People PLEASE...I beg you...when you call your doctor's office (or anyone's office for that matter), know exactly what you are going to ask. Write it out...practice it if you have to. Don't waste people's time. Also, if you have never listened to their voice mail, listen to it. Yes it's probably very long, and yes it's frustrating to have to wait or press this number and that number to get to what you are wanting to know...but imagine having to answer that question so many times. I promise you the secretary is not sitting at her desk praying that somebody will call her because SHE HAS NOTHING TO DO. I do the billing, I transcribe the medical notes (usually 4-5 pages long), I book the appointments, I fax, I copy, I file, I return my bosses emails, type manuscripts, order supplies, etc...........I don't have enough hours in the day to do my work and believe me I multitask...so because you didn't want to listen to the message (incidentally, if it has voice mail, you can press the number 3 to fast forward the message and the number 1 to rewind it if you need to hear that part of the message again).

Leave a brief detailed message after the beep and don't ask me to call you back if the answer is on my voice mail.

Your friendly medical clinic assistant who works for four specialists and a number of research people and who just does not have the time to listen to your long winded voice figure out what you are calling me about...and no I don't want to hear about all your aches and pain...I don't get paid enough.

Whatever!!

Make sure of all things!

BELOW IS MY COMMENT TO MY COUSIN LINDA'S BLOG:

Linda, I truly enjoyed your blog today.The question you asked your religion instructor really impressed me. What an insightful and logical question. It was sad that he answered in the way that many do when they haven't a clue as to the answer and simply believe that you must 'do what I say and not do what I do'...which is in complete contrast to what the bible tells us.

It's interesting that we did touch on this in our Watchtower study today. (You know that I am one of Jehovah's Witness here is just an FYI: on Sundays we have a public talk first (sermon) and then we take an article in the Watchtower (one of our bimonthly publications) and study it in depth for an hour. This article was on "Safeguarding our Christian Identity".

There are questions to the paragraphs and we have an opportunity to participate and answer.Anyways, one of the paragraphs brought out the point to "prove bible truth to yourself" which is in harmony with 1 Thessalonians 5:21 which states "Make sure of all things; hold fast to what is fine". The paragraph stated "Every Christian -young and old - needs to prove to his own satisfaction that what he believes is indeed the truth as found in the Bible". "Strong faith is built on knowledge 'Faith follows the things heard' Romans 10:17. Bottom line: "God welcomes honest questions asked with the right motive".

So you were doing nothing wrong in asking the question: again pretty insightful for such a young person.

Regarding the Pope (as a noncatholic): what I admired about him is that he stuck with what he believed in and refused to 'tickle' peoples ears as many others do. He did not believe in abortion and was not wishywashy on that matter. He stated his opinion on other subjects homosexuality, sex before marriage and these opinions were in line with the bible's principles.

You don't have to be a Pope to do that...find out what the bible says and then have the determination to do it, if that is what you choose to do with your God given free will...don't be wishy washy and don't be afraid to ask the question.

Being a churchgoer and giving to charities mean nothing if that is not what is in your heart. So yes, it starts at home and it's every day. "Faithful in the little things, you will be faithful in the greater things".

(Can't remember where that scripture is right now..hey I'm not God you know....look it up yourself!)

Ben

My April's Fool Day!!

Well it started off like any other day...traffic...waiting for the elevator to get to my office...work was fine. Then I get a call from the specialist office...the xray that I was scheduled to go for later in the day at a scarborough hospital (which will remain nameless) had been changed to an MRI...hmm it's unusual I thought that an MRI would be booked so quickly, but hey...what the diff...I had already taken the afternoon off as a 1/2 day so off I headed to the hospital for my MRI...get there...go to the MRI located in the bowel of the hospital only to be told that I was supposed to be in xray...okay...that was my first hint that something was definitely amiss...so off I trod to xray..."follow the purple dots to the elevator to the second floor and then follow the yellow dots to the xray department"...so I did. Get to xray only to be told "follow me...Peter will explain this to you"...okay Peter spill it!! "the voiding cystourethergram is no longer the best procedure for this...you will be scheduled for an MRI"..wait a minute...'WILL BE?? YOU MEAN THAT I TOOK A HALF DAY VACATION TO COME HERE TO BE TOLD THAT I WILL BE SCHEDULED?' Needless to say, I was not happy. So 1/2 vacation day gone, and $12...lunch and parking for nothing. Oh and he can't give me a ballpark figure. I'm sure it won't be soon and it's a good thing this is nothing serious. So then I go to my sister's place...at least I can spend the afternoon with family. Mom was having her usual resting period. My sister was gobbling down her lunch standing up...if she sits down for 5 minutes we consider it a miracle...she should be a walking stick the way she runs around! Then the kids inform her that a bulb has shattered in the basement and there is glass on the floor...so off she goes to clean it up before somebody gets cut up..."Ben can you bring down the vacuum"...so I bring down the vacuum and stop three stairs from the bottom as I'm in stocking feet...all of a sudden my feet slip from underneath me and I'm flying down and I knew it was going to hurt and it did. Slammed my back on the stairs and hurt my big toe (apparently on the vacuum and broke a piece off)...OUCH!!!! Talk about STUPID! When I got home later, I soaked in a tub...it helped, but it still hurt. Thank God for Advil. I've been up and down those stairs many a time and this time I decided to take a trip! Aye carumba!!!I'm okay. Just a bit sore...and bruised.So that was my April Fool's Day...but mine started in the afternoon. How was your's??Whatever!!Ben

Whatever!

Well I've jumped on the bandwagon. I now have my OWN blog. Whatever!!

My cousins Nadia and Linda have gone before me in expressing their views on different matters. Wow what a wonderful way of getting to know someone else's thoughts. You see, unlike my sister, I hate talk-radio. I cringe while changing the channel and hearing the myriad of talk shows as well. Yak Yak Yak....oh please there is enough noise in the world and I could care less if you think she stole your man or if he wears your underwear....but write it out...printed word...now that's a different matter.

I love to read. I read while I eat, whether it's the cereal box or anything I can get my hands on.

I love to read while I ...well you know...we all keep something to read in the bathroom

I read while I drive...but only the signs on the road. (Like I'd read a book while I drive..PUHLEZE).

I would rather read than channel surf...so I record my shows and read before I go to bed. Then on weekends when tv is boring (Sunday mornings except for Coronation Street) I watch all my taped shows. CSI(all three), Lost, Alias and JAG.

Whatever!

Bernadette